


I bet you wanna squeeze me, don't ya

by alwayswhenleastexpected



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: AU, M/M, Taco Bell, basically coffee shop trope but with taco bell, sauce packets, spideypool valentine exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1187898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayswhenleastexpected/pseuds/alwayswhenleastexpected
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade seduces Peter via taco bell sauce packets. </p><p>It works.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I bet you wanna squeeze me, don't ya

**Author's Note:**

> This is my spideypool valentine's day fic for pennkoad at tumblr :)
> 
> If you don't know what Taco Bell is: It's like fake mexican fast food. I'm totally obsessed with it.
> 
> Also, all the quotes are from actual sauce packets. 
> 
> I wrote this in a mad panic, I'm sorry it's so unpolished.

Peter was willing to admit that he had begun to frequent Taco Bell a little more often than he should, but he justified it by arguing that 1) it was the most convenient fast food spot on campus, 2) it was cheaper than what they served in the cafeteria, and 3) he was too exhausted from running back and forth between the fine arts building and the science complex for his photography and biochemistry courses (which of course had to be on opposite ends of the campus) to cook himself real Mexican food. 

Besides, he liked hoarding their little sauce packets. They made him feel better about himself. 

It was frigid and damp outside when he walked in one evening a little past ten pm, and he struggled awkwardly with his scarf as he stood in front of the counter inside Taco Bell. The assistant manager, a stout, gruff man named Logan, quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“You know kid, I think I see you in here more often than the employees.”

Peter scoffed. “I come in here like once every other week.” He shrugged his hat off. “That’s not… that’s not that often, is it?”

“Depends on how much hot sauce you ingest,” said a new voice, and another man who looked to be about Peter’s age, with messy blond hair and blue eyes, elbowed Logan out of the way, grinning at Peter. “Does your rectum permanently feel like it’s on fire yet?” Behind him, Logan look mortified. 

Peter’s lips twitched. “Is that how you greet all your customers?”

The other man leaned over the counter with a coy smile. “Only the really cute ones.” 

“You must be a real hit with the ladies—” Peter’s eyes darted to the name tag “—Wade.”

“Oh yeah, they’re always trying to shoves their tacos into my face. But I’m more of a burrito guy myself,” Wade added with a wink. 

As Peter’s mouth fell open, Logan shoved at Wade. “Are you gonna take his fucking order or not?”

“I’m bonding with the customer! It’s called _good service_.” 

“No, it’s called I’m gonna fire your ass if you flirt with customers while on the clock,” Logan growled as he glared at Wade one last time before heading back into the kitchen. 

Wade stuck his tongue out at him, and then turned back to Peter, rolling his eyes. “Can I take your order?”

Peter smiled. “Just two soft tacos. To go, please.” 

 

Peter came back the next week late into the evening, his gait slow and his brain sluggish after studying for a biology exam he had tomorrow. Logan was leaning against the wall behind the counter with a frown already set into his features. Peter approached the register, fishing out a five dollar bill from his wallet. “Hey, Logan.”

“Hey, kid.” Logan pushed himself off of the wall.

“Just the two number four combo, please,” Peter said, holding out his bill. Logan handed him his change and he sat himself at the table closest to the counter. 

“Hey there, sugar pie!” 

Peter’s head jerked up at the sound of Wade’s voice, and he smiled. “Hi, Wade.” 

“You had the number four, right?” 

Peter nodded, standing up as Wade held out his take-out bag. “Thanks.” 

Wade wiggled his fingers in a wave. “See ya next time, hot stuff.” 

Rolling his eyes, Peter tried his very best to fight the blush creeping up his face. “I have a name, you know.” 

“Oh yeah? Do tell.” Wade grinned at him across the counter. 

“It’s Peter,” Peter replied, heading for the door before Wade could say anything else. “Later,” he called back over his shoulder, letting himself smirk. 

Outside, he opened the bag to find about twenty sauce packets that he didn’t ask for. Sifting through them to get to his food, he realized they all said the exact same thing: “Where have you been all my life?” 

Chuckling to himself, he unwrapped his burrito and made his way back to the dorms.

 

Logan was at the register again the next time he came in. Peter smiled at him and ordered three soft tacos.

He waited by the counter, idly tapping at his phone. Finally he heard Wade’s rough voice call out his order number and looked up.

Wade immediately beamed when he saw Peter, snatching back the bag as Peter reached out to take it. “Hold on a sec.” He rummaged under the counter, grabbing a small box. Peter watched as Wade emptied another twenty sauce packets into his bag.

“I don’t need any more sauce,” said Peter, trying not to laugh. 

“What are you talking about, Petey. Everyone needs a more little spice in their life,” Wade argued with an obnoxious wink. 

“I think if someone ate this much hot sauce their intestines would explode.”

Wade hummed. “I’d stay away from the volcano tacos if I were you, then.” 

Peter took his bag, peering at the handfuls of sauce packets weighing it down. “Um, thanks.”

“No problem, honey.” 

Peter took his bag to a nearby table, grabbing a few of the sauce packets. Today, all of them said “I knew you’d come back for me.” 

Smiling, he looked back at the counter, but Wade had already retreated into the kitchen. 

 

 

Logan snorted when he saw Peter walk through the door. “I think you’re the only person on this planet who eats the food here more than Wade does.” 

Peter shifted, grimacing. “Yeah, I think I’m starting to hate it.” Behind Logan, he caught a glimpse of Wade in the kitchen, whistling as he rolled burritos. He smiled crookedly, looking back and adding, “I’ll take the number two combo, please.”

Logan smirked but said nothing. 

After paying for his meal Peter headed over to where the condiments and plastic cutlery stood, trying to discreetly dig through the various hot sauce packets. He found a couple that he deemed suitable, and stuffed one in his pocket, holding the other in his hand while he waited for his order to be called. 

As he had hoped, it was Wade who called out, holding Peter’s take out bag at the counter. 

Peter waved and walked over, suppressing a grin when Wade reached underneath the counter. He watched while Wade poured another handful of sauce packets into his bag, holding it out for him with a wide smirk. 

“I have something for you too,” said Peter as he accepted his bag. 

“Is it a phone number?” asked Wade eagerly.

Peter laughed, his face flushing, and handed him the sauce packet. 

“I would’ve chosen me too,” Wade read aloud. His body shook with silent laughter as he tried to hide his face from Logan, who was looking at them both suspiciously. 

Peter in turn took a sauce packet out of the bag. “Let’s go get matching tattoos,” it said. The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to keep a straight face.

“Wade!” barked Logan finally. “Get back to work.” 

Wade ducked his head. “Sorry, boss.” He looked at Peter. “Have a nice day, sir,” he said dryly, with a sarcastic salute. Peter laughed, waving over his shoulder as he left.

 

He came back the very next night, and Logan stared at him. 

“You’re here to flirt with Wade, aren’t you?”

Peter coughed awkwardly. “Is… is he here?” 

Logan scowled. “Maybe.” 

Peter sighed and ordered two burritos at random, having memorized the entire menu by now. When he got his receipt, he fished a pen out of his pocket, scribbling something on the back of it. Then he waited. 

He almost laughed in relief as he heard Wade’s voice. 

Wade had his familiar grin on his face when he saw Peter. Then his expression turned sheepish.

“I, uh, ran out of sauce packets,” he said as he gave Peter his food. 

Peter chuckled and took the packet he had saved out of his pocket, holding it out towards Wade along with his receipt. 

“No, you uh, keep the receipt,” Wade said as though he thought Peter was suffering from temporary brain damage. 

Peter rolled his eyes. “Just take it.”

Wade’s expression relaxed as he took both items. Peter held his breath, hoping this stunt would work. He had found a sauce packet that said “text me :)” (he really didn’t understand how they came up with these phrases) and finally decided to take the initiative in writing his phone number on the back of his receipt. 

He released his breath once he saw Wade practically light up and twirl on the spot.

“Ha! Told you it would work!” Wade sang, thrusting the receipt in Logan’s face.

“Well you two must be made for each other, then,” Logan grumbled, shoving Wade’s hand out of his face. “ _Sauce packets_ , for crying out loud…”

“I’m taking my break!” Wade declared, vaulting over the counter without waiting for a response. He hopped over to the condiments, digging through the packets while Peter watched. 

“A-ha!” Wade snatched up a packet triumphantly. Sauntering back to Peter, he held it out with a small smirk. 

Peter took it, matching Wade’s grin. The packet read, “It only gets hotter from here.”


End file.
